The time is now that the gates behind the wall is opening. The feeling was akin to landing on a new planet, from the exterior to the sounds.
People say you’ve got a second chance now, and it sounds hopeful in a headline. Real life doesn’t file it neatly, though. On my first night out, I couldn’t sleep. The mattress swallowed me, the room was too quiet, and I found myself staring at the ceiling, waiting for somebody to yell ‘Count time.’ Nobody did. Just me, my thoughts, and a hundred questions I didn’t have answers for.
Freedom isn’t smooth. It’s a stumble, a little wrong-footed, a little loud. In the grocery store, I froze in front of the bread aisle. Ten years ago, it was white or wheat. Now there are forty kinds with labels I can’t pretend to pronounce. A lady behind me sighed like I was wasting her time. I wanted to explain—sorry, ma’am, I’ve been gone, I don’t know which bread.
Work was worse than I expected. Application after application, form after form. The feeling of coming home and trying to start fresh, but your record can at times prevent you from finding legal employment. But there are companies that will hire people with a criminal record. Smiles tighten, hands go cold. ‘We’ll be in touch.’ They won’t. That sting stays with you. You have to stay the course and understand that you will get a job. While waiting, stay productive. But the ones who stick around, who set a plate for you at the table—they make the world feel less cold.
The toughest battle isn’t the job hunt or the sideways glances. It’s the mirror. When I reflect, I understand my mistakes. You cannot allow guilt to weigh you down. People say ‘forgive yourself.’ Easier said than done. Some days I almost believe it. Other days, the guilt roars back. That’s the part nobody talks about—the sentence after the sentence. The one you serve inside yourself.
And yet, there’s beauty in the small stuff. A cup of coffee you paid for. Sun on your face. Walking down the street without someone telling you where to stop. Kids laughing, and this time you’re actually there to hear it. Those little things? They’re everything. They’re the reason you keep pushing, even when the weight of your past tries to pull you back.
Getting a second chance is not an easy road, so you have to be prepared for the good and the bad and the ugly, and be prepared for some uncomfortable feelings.