We often hear about the burdens that men face when dealing with child support and financial disparities as single fathers, but we never really discuss what women go through being single mothers.
As a single mother of two myself, it can be stressful doing it on my own.
There are different types of fathers out there.
Some may help financially; some may physically be available, some may do both, and some men don’t support at all.
So, what does this mean for single mothers?
From personal experience, single mothers must make things happen whether the father is assisting or not, and this is where the stress comes in.
So, what exactly is stress, you may ask?
Stress is a physical, and sometimes mental, response to threatening and/or challenging situations.
We all have dealt with stress in some capacity in our lives, but parental stress is a little different.
Being a mother teaches you that you must be strong for these little ones who are looking to you for basic needs.
Let us not forget they require so much more such as unconditional love, support, acknowledgment of feelings, discipline, and affection.
Although the definition of a good mother is subjective, I believe being a good mother also consists of caring for yourself to be able to give to your children, flexibility, structure, active listening, patience, and just being there.
When I think about a day in the life of a mom, it takes so much that goes into it, which leads mothers being overstimulated and stressed,
Different strategies can be used to cope with stress as a single mother.
We can first start with building a supportive network.
Support is so important as it is extremely difficult to do it on your own.
We need support in every area of life, whether we are working on a team project at work, or simply dealing with everyday tasks, so there should be no shame in asking the people in your life who you feel will be that support you may need.
It is okay to reach out to friends and family or even online groups for support.
I know some people don’t have family and friends who are willing to babysit and assist with the children, but if you do, put your pride to the side and get whatever help you can from those you trust.
When it comes to online groups, although we may not trust online groups, there is always a comfort to have.
You would be surprised at the resources that they could provide to make motherhood easier for you.
The next thing you could do to cope with stress is practice self-care.
I know sometimes as mothers, we pour everything into our children, but we have to learn to pour into ourselves first because if we don’t, we will run ourselves dry and eventually won’t have anything to give to our children.
Even the small things could help.
You could try putting a few dollars to the side to get your nails done.
Or if money is tight, just find time to relax with peace and quiet, spending at least 30 minutes with yourself.
Anything helps.
Next, if things just get too hard, seek therapy.
Some people may not believe in therapy as there may be a lack of trust or belief in the benefits of therapy due to historical reasons, but mental health is real and if we seek help at the beginning, we may just break from all the stress coming your way.
The best advice I could give from my own experience is structure. Children must have a structure to make their lives easier and yours.
Bedtimes and structured times for activities and play will help them prepare for daily activities, that way, they’re not bouncing off the wall in the middle of the day driving you crazy.