‘If you do the crime, you do the time’ that’s what they say at least; and although I didn’t do the crime, I still decide to do the time.
What do you do when an important person in your life gets incarcerated?
Do you walk away and let them figure it out or stay and ride the wave with them?
I’ve never been one to walk away from a hard situation.
After fighting a court case for two years my two sons father and the man who raised my daughter got incarcerated.
While he’s been away, I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve always known this but know I see from the other side, life does not stop for anybody.
Life keeps coming whether it’s finances, illnesses, stress, or happy events like birthdays, christmas, thanksgiving, etc.
Being able to manage all these events or stressors being thrown at you while your loved one is away is a huge challenge to overcome.
I wrote another article about stress relievers that I’ve been able to develop while going through motherhood, which have been a huge help during this time.
When someone you care about gets incarcerated the expectations from you become a little too much sometimes though.
Your life is suddenly filled with phone calls from an automated system asking if you would like to accept this call, canteen packages, and video visits.
However, everything that you do for an inmate costs a significant amount of money.
Finances are already difficult due to losing the second source of income and then you throw all the extras on top.
It takes time get a grasp that you cannot do it all.
You must make sacrifices, on both ends.
The person incarcerated must understand, like I said above, that life does not stop just because they are incarcerated.
Bills keep coming and days keep passing.
There has to be an understanding that you can only do so much even though they may think it’s not enough or they want more.
For us, jail isn’t forever and it’s about finding that balance where you can help but still maintain your livelihood on the outside.
It’s easy to put yourself in a bad situation looking after someone you love but it’s important to remember to set boundaries and say no.
Saying no does not mean you’re a selfish person, it means you’re looking to the future to set yourself up for success.