Having a family member being incarcerated can be an unexpected and traumatic toll on the lives of their loved ones just as it does on the offender themselves. There will be so many mixed emotions and feelings that will have family and friends feeling loss, aggravation, and confusion. The person might not really be gone, but the incarcerated person is no longer present in their life.
There are a few things to prepare for and take care of. The more prepared as a family member of an incarcerated loved one, the easier coping comes. Pulling the hard things off of the palette first makes it easier to cope with things that are mental and not physical.
If the loved one provided a source of income, think about how a budget can reflect that. Phone calls, commissary, food, clothing, hygiene items, and healthcare are all things that family or friends might have to consider spending on for their incarcerated loved one. These are separate costs to take into account when budgeting with a new loss of income. The Department of Human Services provides Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, which is a cash assistance program for low-income families with children below the age of 18, or those 18 and attending school full-time. The application and contact information can be found in the embedded link. There are also many churches or organizations that can be found locally that offer help to those needing assistance.
Try to keep a somewhat normal lifestyle. Remain physically healthy by eating healthy, keeping a regular day-to-day schedule, sleeping well, and managing stress. These things help keep the physical body running smoothly, while also maintaining a better mental state. The healthier an individual is mentally and physically, the more likely they can handle going through the process of incarceration of a loved one.
What a family tells other people, and their community is completely up to them. Don’t feel pressured to explain the inner workings of what is happening at home.
Contact the jail to find out what procedures they may have and what to expect upon arrival. Being prepared for this will make visiting a loved one easier. Jail is scary for the incarcerated loved one and the family member, so realize some visits may be uneasy or tense for both parties involved. Things may seem grim when visits end in a negative way and visiting can bring up feelings of sadness or guilt. A good practice is finding support groups or counselors that can help explain the feelings happening and how to overcome them. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) holds meetings via zoom for those who are struggling with the changes that come from a loved one’s incarceration. They can be found using this website. To sign up or ask questions contact Tommie Thompson at [email protected]. For other support groups that are more specific like spouse help or for Spanish-speaking individuals, go to the Prison Families Alliance calendar to see meetings happening over zoom every month.